‘The Magic is in the Mess’ – Brene Brown

Life is amazing. And then it’s awful. And then it’s amazing again. And in between the amazing and the awful it’s ordinary and mundane and routine. Breath in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That’s just breathtaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And it’s breathtakingly beautiful. LR Knost.

It was January 2016. I had just left a fantastic team, a comfortable and secure job and students that I loved working with and cared deeply for. A job that I had cared passionately about and a lifestyle I had known for ten years. Many happy memories had been created and challenging times overcome including the devastating murder of a student.

I knew deep down though that it was time to leave. I had a burning desire in my heart for something new and a sense in my gut that said it was time for action. My plan, however, was limited. I had enough work until July and I knew that this wasn’t going to be the easy choice. What I hadn’t realised was that a storm was coming.

I had been asking the Universe for a gentle nudge, meditating on my purpose, setting intentions and connecting with my values and truth, but I was still unsure of my direction and felt stuck. So over the next few months I plodded along, went back to some work in a different department within the same organisation and stuck to the familiar.

Then lightning struck and the universe delivered the wave that took me down and the storm that crashed my world.
I was stood in what Brene Brown called the Arena. Vulnerable, shocked, wounded and heartbroken. I was face down, rock bottom, and my heart felt like it had been ripped out. As if that wasn’t enough my pain invited Pandora’s box to open. Old wounds resurfaced, things I had tried to ignore suddenly became so intense that I couldn’t ignore them anymore. I sobbed until my body felt crushed, my heart ached, the negative chatter took over, I questioned my beliefs, identity and self worth.

Thankfully I am beautifully human and whilst my meltdown took over temporarily, I also knew it wasn’t permanent. This was my opportunity to own my ‘shit’, clear the old and make way for the new. It was time to heal the past, forgive myself and others for the mistakes I had made that caused pain to myself and others. It was time to stand tall and embrace this opportunity to connect with my authentic self, search deep within myself for my values and purpose and find the courage to live a life authentically and compassionately.
I learned to connect on a deeper level, I realised I could thrive in life and not just survive. I acknowledged that it’s ok to have a meltdown, just don’t unpack and stay there. I Embraced the opportunity for change, growth and a journey deep within.

The New Year is an opportunity for reflection, change and growth. So as you move in to 2019 with your hopes, dreams and goals for the future, I hope that you connect with your heart’s desire and find the courage to live the life you deserve. Embracing change, owning your story and taking action isn’t necessarily the easy option. In my opinion though it’s worth it. HAPPY NEW YEAR WITH LOVE AND BLESSINGS