Powerful Questions that support change

Feb 28, 2023 | New posts, Personal Development | 0 comments

Many of us find ourselves in stuck and limiting thinking, often without even realising it.

I won’t be able to do … I can’t do ….. I’m not sure that I can …. I’ll probably get it wrong…. It never works out for me…… I’m not the kind of person who….. I’ll give it a go but it probably wont work…. I’m disorganised… I’m not a team player…. I’m not confident…. They don’t listen to me… they introduce changes and don’t tell me… no one communicates properly…. it never goes to plan…

This type of thinking becomes your beliefs about yourself and the world. Your beliefs determine the success and fulfilment of your life.

The Meta Model in NLP is one of the most powerful tools for coaching yourself and others. It provides an extensive approach and method that enables you to notice words that might be limiting your potential, growth and success. It identifies language that might be creating certain traps, flaws and limitations in your thinking.

The Meta model offers challenges to these patterns of thinking through a set of questions which are designed to elicit changes, offer new frames of thinking and useful clarifications in the persons perceived reality.

The questions constitute a practical coaches toolset that stimulate and reveal new potential meanings, causes, categories, judgements, projections, comparisons, and information that expand and enrich an individuals map of the world.

This allows for the creation of new quality goals and choices in the issue or situation.

Ultimately it offers a range of questions to support alternative thinking that leads to change and more positive outcomes. When these questions are used on yourself or when leading and coaching others, they become a powerful resource and tool for self awareness and change.

To understand the Meta model it’s important to have an understanding of how we process information and make sense of the world.

We are continuously bombarded with information through our senses and the brain has to delete most of this so that you can manage and process the information. You also have to generalise information so that learning is easy and you can generalise rules and principles for behaving. Buying a new car feels a little bit different to begin with, but you can generalise how to drive a car no matter which make or model it is. You don’t have to learn how to drive again every time you purchase a new car. Generalisations can be positive and helpful. They can also be limiting if you are generalising past experiences that have been difficult, and expecting the same to happen in the future. We also distort our experience in a way that works for us. If you believe that your boss at work is out to get you then you will seek the information to confirm this belief and delete other information that contradicts it.

All of these processes can be useful when you learn to delete, generalise and distort in a way that it is supportive of being the best you can be and living your life to the fullest. They can be limiting when you have developed patterns in your thinking that are keeping you stuck and preventing you from reaching your potential.

To give you some insight into how to use the Meta model to expand your experience, challenge your limits and have a richer and fuller model of the world, here are some examples of questions that can support change within the categories of deletion, distortion and generalisation.


  • They don’t communicate very well – Who isn’t communicating what? How would you like them to be communicating?
  • It won’t work for me? – what specifically won’t work? How do you know it won’t work?
  • I was rubbish at that- rubbish compared to whom?
  • Obviously everyone should know what I mean – who is everyone? what is obvious? why is it obvious?
  • We will be the best organisation – Best compared to whom? what will you be doing, best in what way?
  • You can’t trust people to get things done – Which people can’t you trust? What specifically can’t you trust the person/or people to do?


  • I know why you did that – How do you know that?
  • You must be upset with me – How do you know?
  • She ignored me when I asked a question, she doesn’t like me – Does every time you ignore someone mean you don’t like them?
  • (Insert name) makes me annoyed – How exactly do they make you annoyed? what can you do to respond in a different way? we all have choice


  • I can’t do public speaking – what would happen if you did do public speaking? What’s stopping you? Who say’s you can’t do it?
  • I shouldn’t take a break from work, I have too much to do – what would happen if you did take a break? Who says you can’t take a break? What’s stopping you? Supposing you did take a break, what would happen?
  • Things always go wrong for me- Always? has there been a time when things haven’t gone wrong?
  • Everybody is out to get me – everybody in the world?

By using the Meta model question for yourself and when leading and coaching others you begin to open possibility and choice in thinking, feeling and behaving.

You can learn to manage your own internal dialogue and lead yourself more successfully to change your feelings and experience.

You will also become more aware of what and how you are communicating with others. When you are coaching and leading others your language and questions can be used as an incredible resource to support change, increase personal resilience, enhance wellbeing, inspire and motivate and effect change.

If you are interested in knowing more about NLP for coaching and leading then send me an e mail on sarah@sarahfletchercoaching.com

You can come and join my NLP Diploma which is happening again this weekend March 4-6th. You can join face to face at my training venue in Blackpool or online from the comfort of your own home.

More information here👇


Thank you for taking time to read my blogs, I hope you find them useful.



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