Consider these four steps to a discover a brighter, unstuck mindset .
When I’m working with clients, they’ll often come say to me that they are feeling stuck. So as an NLP and mBIT Coach and Trainer, I know not to put my interpretations or assumptions on what stuck means to them. So I ask them, What do you mean by feeling stuck? How are you doing your stuck-ness? And often they’ll say things like they’re feeling stressed, or they don’t like the job or their relationship is feeling stale, or they’re feeling unfulfilled, or maybe their life isn’t panning out the way they’ve wanted it to.
My next question usually goes something like this, So what would you like instead? Or what would you like to have happen? Or what do you want? And this is really interesting, because at this point, it’s actually surprising how many people haven’t considered what they want. Instead, they are so stuck and focusing on what they don’t want that actually they haven’t asked themselves the question of what would they like to have happen? Or what would they want instead?
And as I ask them what they want, I also invite them to move their shoulders and straighten their posture and look up and imagine a life that they weren’t imagining, what would they be doing instead? Imagining how different things would be for them. How would they know that things were different? And what changes would be occurring inside of them, what changes would be occurring outside of them. And it’s really interesting to observe this process of un-stuckness happening as they begin to become aware of and notice the possibilities of what it might be like to be unstuck.
We first of all have to recognise that the only person who can change anything in our lives is ourselves. So the only person that can do anything about it is you and you can’t make others do what you want them to do. You can’t make others do the things that you’re not happy with. And taking back control of your life means that you recognise that the power is within you. And that you can do something about what is going on inside of you and you weren’t born with your habits. You weren’t born with your beliefs, you weren’t born with your values, or your ways of being – your patterns, you learned them. And the good news is that if they’re not working, then you can learn new ways of being.
Consider these four steps to a discover a brighter, unstuck mindset .
This is the first thing that you can start to consider and that you can start to do, now. When you think about a problem that you’ve got, you can begin to feel good, even when you’re thinking about that problem. And as you feel good, it enables you to generate more ways of solving that problem and transforming your struggles into breakthroughs.
It’s not what happens to us that causes our suffering. It’s how we respond to those things that happen to us. So, when you think of your problems from a place of being resourceful from a place of being capable and whole, you have these inner resources to deal with your struggles and your problems, and then you can begin to perceive it in a different way. You can look for lessons from it. Everything we do is dependent on our state of being at that moment. So, when you get into a good state, and you’re feeling good, when you then think about your problems from this place from a state of feeling good, then you’re going to be able to come up with more creative solutions to get unstuck.
Getting into a good emotional state first can really help you to transform your struggles and your challenges into breakthrough. They can be your biggest teachers, they can be your biggest lessons!
- Take back control of your inner landscape
Recognise the power within you to remind yourself of all the times that you have overcome things because, when we are struggling and when we are stuck, it can be a challenge, we can find it difficult to remember the times when we’ve overcome things. We can forget how resourceful we are.
So if you’re in a stuck state, if you’re feeling negative about some things, maybe you’re feeling negative about your relationships, or your capabilities and your skills at work. What you can do is begin to remind yourself about all of those times when you’ve resolved things in your life and bring those to your conscious awareness.
When have you overcome struggles before? When have you dealt with those challenges in the past? It might be that you’re having relationship difficulties or that you’re feeling bad about yourself for some reason, then what you can do is begin to get curious as well about what is being triggered inside of you in that context. What is being triggered inside of you by perhaps another person? Then what is it that needs attention and perhaps healing inside of you? because often those things outside of us that triggers something inside of us, whether it be a circumstance, a situation a person, that is often an indication that something inside of us still needs paying attention to.
What is it that needs attention? What is it that needs healing? What is it that needs some resolve inside of you? So those things outside of us that are triggering things inside of us is, like a mirror being held up that says, What is going on inside of you here?
Take it as an opportunity to do the inner work so that you can resolve those things so that you’re no longer triggered by them. And this is where your real power lies within you – Really becoming aware of what is actually going on, on a deeper level inside of you, what needs healing, what needs attention, so that you can transcend those struggles and those difficulties and those problems in your life.
- Changing your Physiology
Changing your physiology changes how you feel. You can begin to create this self awareness for yourself and notice what is going on inside of you when you are in a stuck state. So if you’ve got a lot of internal chatter, what are you doing with your physiology, when you are doing this internal chatter? Are you grinding your teeth? Are you tensing your jaw? Are you holding your shoulders tight? Often these are the sort of things that we do. Are you tapping your foot or moving your knee?
By changing your physiology, you can begin to change that internal state and to feel better, so maybe you could relax your shoulders, maybe you can lift your head and put a smile on your face and look up and take a nice big parasympathetic breath to balance your nervous system. Actually, you can do this really quickly and simplistically and change your internal state. And again, this is a really quick and simple thing that you can do to begin to help yourself get unstuck.
4.Focusing on what you actually want
Focusing on your problems breeds more problems. Your brain has to imagine the thing that you don’t want. So, if you’re saying to yourself, “I don’t want to be stressed” or “I don’t want to feel angry”, or “I don’t want to feel frustrated”, or “I don’t want to feel depressed”, then your brain has to imagine the thing that you don’t want and therefore you end up getting more of that and you’re already there and heading in the wrong direction.
Having that self awareness and orienting yourself towards a brighter future and getting into the energy of feeling good. When you feel good, where do you feel that in your body, what sensations arise for you, in your body when you feel good, whereabouts in your body are those sensations? And again, what is your physiology like when you feel good, what is your inner state like when you feel good.
So moving towards a brighter future imagining what it is that you do want in your life, that life that you want to create what is possible for you, and then feeling good will then begin to direct those thoughts to where you want them to go. Moving away from the stuck mindset and moving into a free mind, and really generating options and choice for yourself in your life.
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